Randy Cassingham's Blog

Posted by Anna, Oklahoma on April 23, 2007:

Randy, I have to disagree with you when you say, about suicide, "it is, in fact, a ridiculous way to escape what are often fairly petty problems, rather than facing up to them and helping to clean up the mess they're in (or caused)."

Without knowing the person or having walked in their shoes, you can't begin to know how petty their problems are. Maybe the one "petty" problem was the final straw in a long parade of "petty" problems and the pressure just became too much. I personally can't imagine the amount of pain it would take for someone to want to end their life, but clearly suicide is a viable out for lots of people.

I had a neighbor who committed suicide years ago. She had a disabling disease that was slowly killing her. Her kids were grown, her husband had left her, and in her opinion she had nothing left to live for. She carefully crafted her suicide so there was no chance of being revived, yet making it "easy" on the people who found her remains. It was the right solution for her. And her problem wasn't "petty".

I have no problem with the story you ran, and think your editorial about it was nicely done. These are all issues that need to be discussed and aired. Despite the tragedy that happened last week in Virginia, this was an important story to publish. Thanks for having the courage of your convictions to keep it in your lineup.

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I appreciate your feedback. Yes, I could have opened another huge can of worms by saying that sometimes suicide is a reasonable option, and I definitely defend every individual's right to choose that path. But that's a different discussion for (probably) a different forum.... -rc

Posted by "CT" on April 23, 2007:

I have been a premium subscriber for the past few years, and have always valued True as one of the few pubilcations I know I can believe. You have always made sense to me. Even when I did not agree with your point of view, I could see it and understand it from your words (a gift the lord has blessed you with, to be sure). Until tonight, always entertaining and thought provoking... but never potentially life saving.

In the past year my life has seen more than a few problems. All of my own causing, I am sure, but painful nonetheless.

In the past couple of weeks, ending my life by my own design started becoming a recurring thought process. I had never thought of it before, but after 50 some years it started to become an option that I found a strange peace in pondering. I was raised to believe it is "wrong", and even when thinking about it I knew it was a copout... but the bottle of pain meds from surgery a year or so ago really started to look like a way out of the pain.

The debate went on in my head daily for the past couple of weeks. Then I read:

"I find it constructive to ridicule suicide since it is, in fact, a ridiculous way to escape what are often fairly petty problems, rather than facing up to them and helping to clean up the mess they're in (or caused)."

Thanks for that. You tipped the scales of reason and what is right in my head, and I read it at the exact moment I needed to read it. Reason is once again overtaking fear, and solutions to the problems seem to just appear as I look for them.

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I am glad to have been there for you at the right time. You sound intelligent and thoughtful, which is half the battle in getting past problems. You might see if you can find a good counselor to help you think things through, and do the other half of the battle to really get past things. I've been there, and understand it. Take care, and let me know how it goes. -rc

Posted by Cathy, Orlando, Florida on April 23, 2007:

I have severe Post Traumatic Stress Disordeer, to the point that I have Dissociative Identity Disorder (formerly called Multiple Personality Disorder). I am in therapy and it is very rough going at times. I have been having a lot or problems lately coming to terms with the sexual abuse I suffered as a child.

I mention this because I have a lifelong history of chronic and acute depression and have considered suicide many times and have made attempts a couple of times. Fortunately, they didn't succeed.

This past week was especially rough and on Wednesday I felt like I couldn't go on. I can't help but wonder if reading this particular story was in the back of my mind when I made myself sit down at my table and calm down and realize that I could go on, that killing myself wasn't the answer. I did not want to go to the crisis unit because it's awful there. I think GOOHF cards should be handed out at the door there because the place is so horrific. However, it is a safe place, I guess, just not where I want to be. The alternative isn't any better, I don't think.

I don't know why exactly I just made myself sit down and just sit and allow myself to calm down, but I did. I suspect that reading that story reminded me that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I was able to remind myself that I had gotten though things much worse and survived. I have several medical conditions, one of which is eventually fatal, though hopefully not for a long time. My life isn't easy right now. But I have hope that it will get better so long as I don't end it.

Unfortunately, I can understand why people do resort to suicide. I think that deep down I know it's not the answer for me. I feel that reading that story reminded me that it's not, that this too shall pass. And it did. I've not had the best of weeks, but I'm getting through it. I'm a survivor. And quite frankly, I won't let what my parents did to me allow me to give up. I won't let them win.

I am always deeply saddend when someone commits suicide. I can, however, understand the pain that can drive you to it. I am one of the lucky ones, for which I am extremely grateful. Please keep sending the message that suicide isn't the way out.

Thank you.

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Nothing is more powerful than hearing from someone who has lived it. I am truly glad to hear that the story helped you in the way that I hoped when I wrote it. And your story just drove it home for others, so thank you, Cathy. -rc

Posted by Ann - Ohio on April 23, 2007:

Yes, Randy, suicide in general is a ridiculous solution to life's problems. However, it doesn't seem ridiculous to the person who is suicidal. Having experienced severe depression (and survived two nearly fatal suicide attempts) over 10 years ago, I can definitely say that suicide always makes sense to the suicidal person. It's usually true that the problems being "escaped from" are petty, if in fact existent. Usually the person who is depressed enough to attempt suicide is simply too irrational to see beyond being able to escape their pain.

One of the symptoms of severe depression is irrational thinking. Depression isn't just "feeling blue" - it's a serious disease that affects one's thinking. I doubt the guy in the story just thought suicide was the easy way out - this action is a sign of a disturbed individual who needs help.

Of COURSE, suicide should not be encouraged. Is it an easy way out? Definitely not. It is a very hard decision for a person who is not thinking correctly. I don't think that saying "Awww, that's really too bad. I can sure understand why he did it" is a reasonable response to suicide. Neither is making fun of it. If I were in your place, I would not have printed the story.

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I know that it doesn't seem ridiculous to the person thinking it -- that's the whole point! I'm showing them that disinterested outsiders have a different opinion. As the two letters before yours show, printing the story made them realize that. Had I not printed the story, they may have made a different decision. The story shocked them into clearer thought. I certainly didn't expect vindication that dramatic, or that quickly, but I think you're wrong, and I'm glad those two people -- and probably others who didn't write -- understood the concept so well. -rc

Posted by Lucy, Texas on April 24, 2007:

I didn't like what you had to say about suicide - until I remembered my own history. I truly wanted to believe that I could kill myself and that my death would slide under the radar, harming no one because no one cared.

Then I went to my 10th high school reunion. Two classmates had died. One was killed riding his motorcycle. People talked about him, shared memories of him and drank a toast to him. The other blew his brains out with a shotgun. To this day, I cannot remember who he was - I just know that as soon as his named was mentioned - even people who had barely known him registered such shock and pain on their faces, the matter was quickly dropped. I remembered thinking that I was glad I wasn't the cause of that pain and from that point on, I knew that no suicide happens in a vacuum.

All of society is changed, and not for the better, when a person kills themselves.

Posted by JW, Colorado on April 24, 2007:

I know several people who have been directly affected by suicide. In every case, the families and loved ones of the person who committed suicide are deeply wounded. Both adults and children involved blame themselves for either causing, or at least not being able to stop, the suicide, and are often emotionally troubled for years.

Also, in all the cases I've known, the financial situation of those left behind has been a mess. Suicide seems like a cowardly and selfish way to stop one's troubles. Many years ago, I struggled with such thoughts myself, but am so thankful I never acted on impulse. Life can, and often does, take a turn for the better, if we have patience, perseverance and faith. A wonderful speaker on this very subject is Ron Heagy.

Posted by Mike from Dallas on April 24, 2007:

There have been times through my life where circumstances have become unbearable and thoughts of suicide seemed to be the only way out. And worse, I've been in war zones many times both as military person and as a civilian. To this day I don't understand the Powers that decided I should live while others have died for much less. Not the point, other than dying is something that hasn't worried me for many years. My choice against suicide has nothing to do with fear.

Here's what I think when contemplating suicide: My problems will be gone and I won't have to worry about them. Also, all the people around me will realize that I was facing hardships worse than they understood and they'll feel bad that they didn't help me more or be more understanding.

Here's what my co-workers and bosses would have thought: What an ass, good riddance to him. We all have problems, his were no more important.

Here's what my friends and neighbors would have thought: Really? What a shame. Sad to see him go. By the way, is everyone else still on for that party this weekend?

Here's what my wife, my kids, and my parents would have thought: What a coward! He thought so LITTLE of us that he went and left, forever. Seriously! What would be my reaction if my wife committed suicide? That she hated me so much that death was preferable to a divorce? What a scumbag I must be in her eyes!

Oh, and those problems that I needed so badly to escape? They're still there. But without me to target, they'll now start going to find my family, instead, and give them grief, without me to protect them. And those who didn't really know much about you, they'll be more than happy to dig up whatever dirt to trash what little remnants of your dignity were left.

For those who've taken counseling to overcome their problems, that is a positive step. I applaud you for your efforts. But for those who hold onto those problems as some kind of 'badge', you're just using it as a crutch to justify your own pity party.

There was a movie years ago, with Angie Dickinson, originally called The Suicide's Wife. I think they changed the title. In any case, for those who think there is anything 'honorable' about suicide, please find and watch that movie.

And it's good that someone like Randy has the courage to ignore Political Correctness and ridicule the concept of suicide for the sniveling coward's way out that it is.

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I didn't find that movie on Amazon (it was a made-for-TV flick), but IMDB has an info page about it. Looks like the title didn't change. -rc

Posted by Mark, Minnesota on April 24, 2007:

I know you've heard as much as you can stand about this and as an EMT, you've seen all the consequences of the idiotic choice of suicide. But let me add my $0.02 as one who has lost close friends to suicide and as a fellow First Responder with his county's rescue squad.

You characterized suicide as the easy way out and a ridiculous way to escape. Your critic questions your compassion because yes, profoundly depressed people kill themselves to end the torment of the crushing feelings of despair and worthlessness.

Still, suicide is also a profoundly selfish act, done by people who cannot appreciate the void they will create for those who care for them. For those who can, it is often those who are angry over the way they have been treated and know precisely the hurt they will cause. Even in the case of those who kill themselves to escape shame and humiliation of their own making, suicide is the one last act of getting even with their perceived adversaries (Ahab: with my dying breath, I spit at thee.)

Selfish, selfish, selfish.

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The reason I put "easy" in quotes in my original essay (the guy in the story "took an 'easy' way out") was to acknowledge that I know there are often a lot of factors involved. Perhaps it was too subtle for my "critic", but no matter how complex the situation is, or even how "justified" it is, it all boils down to one thing: the person is dead, and usually left a lot of people behind.

Indeed I've seen some ugly scenes, including a guy who (like in the story) shot himself in the head to get out of what he perceived as trouble (I was the medic on the scene). Why? Because he was getting a divorce, and that was apparently the best way he came up with to get back at his wife. He couldn't deal with divorce? Well, she has to -- that, and his death. It didn't matter to me whose "fault" the divorce was, all I could think was, "What a loser." In other words, it instantly became his fault, no matter what the actual facts were, didn't it?! -rc

Posted by Richard in Louisiana on April 25, 2007:

Point of clarification: my objection to the story was not based on its having been published, and I shouldn't have made that statement. The problem was that This is True is perceived as a vehicle of satire and irony and I still find nothing humorous about the story. Suicide is, as many posters have said, ultimately a selfish act; I would go farther and say that it is a prime example of hubris.

There is no doubt that suicide should be decried, and Mr. Kopera's story (and the responses on this blog) do an excellent job of that. It's the association with humor that I find disturbing, and I should have made that distinction in my initial response.

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True's web site has made it clear from the start that not all stories are meant to be humorous: "Each story ends with commentary by Randy -- a tagline which is humorous, ironic or opinionated." With luck, I get a combination of the three, but that's definitely not the goal with every story. My work's purpose is to entertain and provoke thought. While I suppose some people found the story amusing at some level, I'm sure most readers realized its true purpose was to provoke thought. -rc

Posted by David, Phoenix, AZ on April 25, 2007:

My father committed suicide when I was 4 and my brothers 2 and 9 months. There have been times when I thought I could just take the easy way out as he did. But then I think about what a coward he was and realize that I can't do to my family what he did to his.

Humorous no. Ironic? Indeed.