Randy Cassingham's Blog

Posted by Steve, Sunnyvale, CA on October 4, 2010:

No surprise that I like yours the best; you've had a lot of practice! Beyond that, DH would be my first choice -- got the essence across humorously and concisely. JS would be my least favorite, mainly due to excess length. (Did you leave "fowl" play in MS on purpose?)

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Yes, 16+ years of practice does pay off. (Sort of; I was a little unclear whether that was supposed to be a pun, or was a typo, so I just left it. Had I been truly editing, I would have said "Doesn't work" and changed it.) -rc

Posted by Tina, Fairfax, VA on October 4, 2010:

I like DH's slug and writeup the best, as it's nice and concise, but my favorite tagline is MS's, with JW's a close second (mostly because I have cats myself -- only three, thank you -- and can relate to the hairball thing!)

I had all the same nitpicks as you did; guess I've been reading True long enough!

Sadly, I did not get DH's tagline...anyone care to explain?

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I suppose I'll take a stab at DH's for you: "heat" vs "cold" -- cops ("the heat") vs frozen kitties -- and cold-hearted madams or, as he puts it referring to both, "critters". -rc

Posted by Lynda, Sacramento, CA on October 4, 2010:

Interesting - I really liked the title and tagline MS wrote, with the story DH wrote. I viewed them all through an English Major filter (literature), realizing I couldn't write anything even close to what was presented. I do not envy your job! Good luck!

Posted by Danny, Austin Texas on October 4, 2010:

Hey Randy, how about opening up an "article challenge" for those of us who don't want to (or don't have the time to) do articles for you on a regular basis? I personally would love to get the source materials you use and try my hand at it - at least even if I just do it myself, and maybe if I make my wife giggle I might share. What say you? Maybe some of the source material for one of the articles these guys are writing for you?

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Sorry, but the whole idea is to reduce the time I'm spending on TRUE so I can do other things. Each writer will take some administrative time. Handling dozens (or more) "casual" writers will end up taking more time than I'm spending now -- and significantly more if I'm having to pay them all (collecting tax info, writing checks or doing electronic payments, etc.), which I would want to do, since I don't want to take advantage of the writers. I need to keep the project within limits with a manageable number of people. -rc

Posted by Lynne, Portland, OR on October 4, 2010:

I think I like MS the best, though it's a bit redundant..."dead, frozen cats" as opposed to "live, frozen cats?" The quotes and the coincidence of the cathouse across the street are my favorite aspects to the story. "Cathouse," by the way, comes up as misspelled in this spell check program.

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As noted, I did check the spelling, and my dictionary of choice spells it as one word, even if some spellcheckers don't have that in their word lists. -rc

Posted by Lee - Milwaukee on October 4, 2010:

I don't like DH for related reasons others like him/her. I like a bit more heft to my stories. Part way between that and the longer ones. JW, I think the lead sentence should appear later in the story. MS, why did they search her mother's house. It wasn't explained they lived together. JS a bit long, some of the factoids should have been combined in the same sentence.

Posted by Jeff, Wayland MA on October 4, 2010:

I like DH's story and tagline the best, though I slightly prefer MS's slug. Presumably all of the stories would benefit from editing, but DH's has little to quibble about and not much fat to trim. Brevity is the soul of wit.

Posted by David NSW Australia on October 4, 2010:

I think Randy's is the best, but then he has had some practice. Randy's version tied up all the loose ends -- what her 'other charges' were, why they were searching the house, the fact that she lived with her mother, and all without making the story too long.

DH's tagline was too subtle for me and the story a little brief.

Posted by Kearney, Homeland (Calif) on October 4, 2010:

Caliber of the weapon was unnecessary, but it would have been better to refer to it as a pistol or revolver rather than as a gun. JW's article had the suspect's age wrong (39 rather than 58). Overall, I liked DH's writeup, though I would have tightened it by deleting the unnecessary words "who were" in the third line. Didn't care much for any of the slugs but probably lean toward MS's and liked JW's tagline. My 2 cents worth from 30 years in journalism and PR.

Posted by Dan - Oregon on October 4, 2010:

Of the four, the story by MS is the best. She led up to the humor/horror instead of putting it in the opening sentence, and it flows nicely. She was the most deft about slipping in the brothel angle, and had the best tag line. "Kitty cryogenics lab" struck me as very funny, but it lost some of its punch because of the quote right before it. My only other minor criticism is that "Fowl play" didn't really work.

JW is in second place by a whisker with the next best tagline and flow, but the brothel bit is awkwardly stuck in between two quotes from the superintendent. (I see why, but it should have been reworked.)

JS is a little more wordy than necessary. It seemed a little scattered to me, but the brothel was slipped in pretty well. I saw where the tag was going immediately. (Not a good thing.)

DH has the bare minimum to get most of the facts in, but I can't detect the voice of the writer in the piece, which detracts from it in my opinion.

Randy's experience shows up in his entry! It flows nicely except that the opening sentence should have been split at the last comma. It has my favorite slug, and almost the best tagline.