Boxers or Briefs?

Inmates in the Linn County (Ore.) Jail liked to clog the pipes with their underwear, and one inmate even tried to hang himself with his briefs’ waistband. So now, male inmates may no longer have underwear, though they will be allowed clean pants three times per week instead of twice. Only one prisoner has complained so far, Sheriff Dave Burright said. “He claimed it was an unquestionable constitutional right for inmates to have underwear,” but “I don’t remember Thomas Jefferson putting anything about underwear in the Constitution.” Meanwhile, Ripley’s Believe or Not museum in Los Angeles has reported that a pair of Elvis Presley’s underwear has been stolen from a display. The custom made, black briefs “were specially designed with extra-strength elasticity to endure [Elvis’] stage antics and pelvic gyrations,” a Ripley’s spokesman said. However, “displays featuring a pair of Madonna’s panties were untouched.” (AP, 2) ...Madonna touches her panties enough for everybody.