This is Page 2 (of 3) of the interview.

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BRUT: Obviously, we don't want you to reveal any secret formula, but give me a brief tour of the Life of Randy Cassingham between issues of TRUE... you just sent an issue out yesterday and it's time to start all over again. How do you put the thing together, what do you deal with in the process, what hoops does Murphy's Law make you jump through to make it all come together?

RC: It happens because I work every day. Every day, at least eight hours, and often fourteen. It translates to 70-80 hours per week to get everything done. I write on Sundays, since my contractual deadline for the various newspapers that run TRUE is first thing Monday morning, and the last thing I would ever want to is get up early in the morning. But I need that deadline pressure to make me go through the agony of writing the 7-9 stories I need. It takes anywhere from four to ten hours to do it, finding just the right mix, turning 300- to 900-word stories into a tight 75 words to get the point across in a meaningful, understandable way, and wrap it up between a punchy headline and a smart-ass tagline. But when it's done, I get a feeling like Picasso must have when he put in his last brush stroke and stood back to look.

But work isn't all. I do love it, but that's not enough. Because I set my own schedule, I can take time off whenever I want. A working friend wants to get together for lunch? Easy! Except for me, it's breakfast. And when they rush back to work, I stay for dessert with my girlfriend, and then do an errand or two, and amble back to my office two or three hours after I left. I settle into my chair and look at the Rocky Mountains out my window while I download the morning's 100-200 e-mails. Need to jet out to Southern California to speak at a Mensa conference? No problemo: I did that recently, after loading up my laptop and jumping on a plane. It doesn't matter where I connect to the Internet, and the column still went out. And while I was there, I took my girlfriend to Disneyland, since she had never been there.

BRUT: What's been the worst problem you've ever encountered with TRUE?

RC: Nothing I can think of, save the relenting march of deadlines. Another week, another 7-9 stories. I've never missed a week since July 1994.

BRUT: Any legal problems ever been presented? Someone claiming copyright violation, someone angry about being embarrassed from their own stupidity making it into TRUE, etc.

RC: No. First, I understand copyright better than most lawyers do; it's part of my nature to research the hell out of topics I'm interesting in, especially if I have a need to know. I'm quite careful to NOT violate others' copyrights, and that's fairly easy to do when you understand the nuances of the law. Second, I have two attorneys: one a specialist in intellectual property issues (like copyright), and a firm that does business law. (It also helps that attorneys and cops really like TRUE; many of my readers are happy to answer questions when I have them.) I rarely have to use them, though. And third, I almost never hear from people I've featured in TRUE, even though I do name names. But when it does happen, it's really pretty fun: they almost always love that they've been mentioned, and want to know what book collection it will be in so they can buy some copies. At least, that's the way it's happened so far!

BRUT: Doing TRUE and its sister list, HeroicStories, seems to be something of a personal outlet for Randy Cassingham- let me know if I'm wrong on this. Everything from your trademark sarcastic commentary tacked on to the ends of the story to your outspoken opinions on your site. Are you normally outgoing and opinionated, or are you quiet and reserved?

RC: I'm an introvert playing the part of an extrovert. I'm an observer that likes to jump in with an observation, and then sit back down and watch some more. As for my opinions, they're just that: the way I see things. Now and then, that really pisses a segment of the readers off, such as when I took on the editor of a Catholic newspaper for his glee in reporting on an abortion doctor's murder, or rant about how the trend of "zero tolerance" in schools is radically fucking up kids' minds rather than solving the problems the schools face, or the latest case when a reader said I was going to hell for something I said, and I responded by offering readers "Get Out of Hell Free" cards, which readers went wild over.

I post the history of all these things on my web site in a "Specials and Rants" section, and include the letters that readers send in. And that's where the magic happens: a few condemn me for my opinion, and when I print those letters they get completely drowned out by letters from readers supporting me. It's incredible how many people really think about the issues I raise in what's supposedly just an "entertainment" column. They understand that I'm really doing commentary on the human condition, and they are unbelievably loyal in supporting me, even if what I have to say isn't always pleasant.<

BQ: Who would you like to meet while doing this job that you haven't yet? RC: Everyone! I love peeking behind the scenes that the public normally doesn't get to see, so I want to meet everyone and have them show me the wizards behind the curtains.

BRUT: Ever since Monopoly lost that landmark case way back when someone put out a clone, there have been versions galore. I even have a very old National Lampoon with a Monopoly cheat kit enclosed- new properties, new Chance and Community Chest cards, etc. Maybe you could branch out with this. GOOHF cards and properties like Tarterus and Hades.

RC: Unlikely: I'm definitely not in the biz of producing parody. I did the GOOHF card because of a specific situation allowed me to trivialize both someone complaining to me and the Monopoly concept of getting out of severe trouble for "free." It was just beautiful opportunity for synergy that I couldn't pass up. Still, I did register GetOutOfHellFree.com!

BRUT: There's a "Spam Primer" on your site. You're a strong anti-spam individual, yes?

RC: Yes. To say spammers are scum gives them too much legitimacy. They steal from people to deliver junk mail to people that don't want it, or downright hate it, pounding millions of mailboxes in the hopes that one tenth of one percent of the recipients are stupid enough to send them money for their fraudulent products. The literally don't care about the 99.9 percent of everyone else that are pissed off, or the servers they crash, often in foreign countries where net services have to pay for their bandwidth by the byte. THAT is no way to do business, online or anywhere else. It amazes me that people don't send mail bombs to the bastards' mail drops. I want to, and I'm more stable than a lot of people!

BRUT: There's also a "Dvorak primer." You once upon a time converted to using the Dvorak keyboard layout, which a lot of people actually still haven't heard about. You substantially increased your speed after learning the Dvorak keyboard, right?

RC: Yep. I had topped out at about 55 WPM on Qwerty, and now type at over 100 WPM. I'm a writer; output matters! Not to mention I work at my computer 70-80 hours a week, so I need something comfortable to type on.

I think the Dvorak layout has saved me from carpal tunnel. But the real shame is that they still teach kids to type on Qwerty, even though it's significantly harder to learn and type on than Dvorak. If schools just switched to teaching Dvorak, they can get the mechanics of typing out of the way quickly, and move on to why you teach kids typing: so they can be creative! To write, to program, to explore. With computers, setting whatever layout is trivial; it's no longer a matter of "We have to teach them Qwerty, since all the typewriters are Qwerty." There aren't any typewriters in the real world anymore, folks. Dvorak is built in to Windows, because I convinced Microsoft to put it there. It's as easy as a few mouse clicks.

BRUT: You convinced Microsoft to put Dvorak in Windows?

RC: Yep. On a business trip to Seattle, a friend who knew some people at Microsoft used me- building me up as some important author who Wrote The Book about the Dvorak keyboard- as an excuse to get a meeting of some of the Windows developers together. This was when they were working on version 3.0, which is the first version that was truly useful. We convinced them that they needed to put Dvorak layouts in, and it's been there since. The funny part is, I offered to beta test that aspect, but they called back later to say that they didn't need me since there were so many Dvorak typists there already. Turns out that some of their top people are Dvorak converts, which is no big surprise since it simply makes sense to use it.

BRUT: I agree, the Dvorak layout is far easier, but I myself am a weenie about it. Having done this sort of thing for 20 years, I know fully well that I can click-click a few times and change layouts. It's easier than loading a device driver like we used to have to do through DOS. But I never do, and I'm a reasonably intelligent guy. Is there a subconscious fear in us that makes old dogs afraid to learn new tricks, do you think?

RC: Absolutely: people think they have to learn how to type all over again, and they remember how hard it was the first time! Luckily, switching isn't anywhere near as difficult as learning Qwerty the first time. That's because of two main factors: because of how Qwerty is laid out, it's very difficult to learn it in the first place, and two, a significant part of it- the dexterity that your fingers must learn to move around the keyboard- doesn't have to be relearned at all; that part is necessary no matter what layout you use. Still, it was tough for me, as a writer, to suddenly go from 55 wpm (on Qwerty) to a crawl on Dvorak when I first switched, but I'd never go back: I now type at more than 100 wpm on Dvorak which (again, as a writer), is extremely helpful!

BQ: Let's look at several major topics today: ...The antitrust trial against Microsoft. RC: [Bill] Gates dropped out of college and became the richest man on the planet, all by his own luck, vision, and work. A prick, maybe, but he won, and a bunch of damned crybabies just can't take it. Tough shit, get back to work, and don't forget to ask the customers if they want to Super Size their Value Meal, because those 39 cents add up to millions by the end of the day, okay?

BRUT: I promise, in honor of His Trueness, I will haul out Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing and dedicate myself to faster typing. I do about 75 words per minute on a Qwerty. Whaddaya think I could hit on a Dvorak?

RC: Actually, I wouldn't recommend Mavis Beacon for Dvorak since the lessons were not specifically designed for Dvorak. Keytime (in Seattle: www.keytime.com) has tutorials that are Dvorak-specific, however. It's hard to say what speed you'd reach with Dvorak. Even if you didn't increase your speed, though, you'd benefit by less physical strain on your hands and wrists.

BRUT: You know I've asked you this one before, but people are reading now, so: You really met Dvorak's wife? Tell me about that!

RC: Yes. She first contacted me when I was writing my book on the Dvorak layout, which is still available via my web site. She had good timing: I had a lot of questions, and she was able to provide some first-hand knowledge about the keyboard, which was introduced in the 1930s. After my book was published, I drove up to Seattle and gave her a copy. She was about 93, and still sharp as a tack and living alone in the same house she and Dr. Dvorak had bought decades before. She's been dead for some years now, though- this was in 1986.

BRUT: Interesting as meeting Mrs. Dvorak was, I'm not sure if qualifies as a bona fide celebrity... but this is a lucrative business for you. You travel a lot, do interviews like these, do public speaking engagements, etc. Have you had occasion to run into any famous people? If so, who?

RC: I have a lot of famous people who read my stuff, but I protect their privacy, just as I do all my readers, by not revealing their names unless they give me permission to do so. There is one that just about everyone in the computer industry has heard of that not only said it's okay to name him, but he wrote a really nice testimonial which is posted on my site. I won't tell you who it is, but you can read his letter at http://thisistrue.com/woz.html.

(Editor's Note: And we won't ruin it for you here, either, but the "woz" should tip off you Apple lovers. Definitely worth reading this testimonial.)

BRUT: Who would you like to meet while doing this job that you haven't yet?

RC: Everyone! I recognize a lot of the names of people on my distribution, but since I do respect their privacy, I don't write to them and bother them (so I wish they'd come forward and write to me!) I can't imagine how many others there are who subscribe with anonymous e-mail addresses, but I indeed can tell by the domain names that every major branch of government, most of the big entertainment (movie/TV/radio/etc.) companies, all the major computer companies, all the major news agencies, and virtually every other sector of The World reads my stuff- including people in Congress and in the White House. I love peeking behind the scenes that the public normally doesn't get to see, so I want to meet everyone and have them show me the wizards behind the curtains.

In speaking engagements, I've met MacArthur ("genius grant") fellows, Emmy and Pulitzer Prize winners, authors, actors, you name it. I love talking to them as people, because that's what they are- not the gods some make them out to be.

BRUT: Hey! If White House personnel subscribe, you could be called as a witness on all those missing emails.

RC: I'll take the Fifth, Dave.

BRUT: Any invitations to the White House for supper?

RC: No, and because I'm happy to skewer anyone in power in my column, I don't think it's going to happen anytime soon. In fact, I can't think of one politician who has sought me out....

BQ: You're aware, I'm sure, of the recent ruling by the French Supreme Court against Yahoo! to keep Nazi memorabilia off their site. RC: There's no point in having laws allowing "free speech" if all the speech was something you wanted to hear. I mean, you don't need a law guaranteeing speech that everyone likes! I don't think disallowing discussion of uncomfortable matters is any way to stop people from thinking about them.

BRUT: Dana Carvey used to do his George Bush impression, making fun of the President... and he got invited to the White House for a dinner once. He said he was nervous and when he got there, someone close to Bush asked him to get up and do Bush... he was nervous, but he did it, and Bush laughed his ass off. Who knows, maybe you'll get an invitation. Would you take it if they offered? Would you read some select political pieces that might make the Prez nervous?

RC: Hell yes I would, even if it "wouldn't be prudent!" But I think there's a difference between imitation (aka "the sincerest form of flattery") and specific criticism, so I'm not going to hold my breath waiting for an invite.

Click to the Conclusion on Page 3....