Interview with Brutarian, Page 3
This is Page 3 (of 3) of the interview.
BRUT: TRUE is a column detailing true events that are sometimes so bizarre that we wonder if they're true- even though we know they are. You must receive story ideas all the time... how often do you send people to urbanlegends.com?
RC: All the time. It's not as bad as it once was, since I posted some submission guidelines on my web site that includes links to sites like urbanlegends.com- and specifically list some of the stories that people have sent me again and again and again, yet never happened. I can just see some newbie get online and get the "hospital cleaner unplugs patient's respirator to plug in vacuum cleaner" story that's been going around for years- and since they just got it in their e-mail, it must be true and just happened yesterday, right?- and pop to my web site to see how to submit it to me, and then get blown away when they realize they were duped. Most of the stories never happened.
Truth really is stranger than fiction, though, and who needs old stories that have been going around for years when you can get real stories fresh every week?
Weekly Weird News
BRUT: Naturally, anyone reading TRUE for any length of time has seen the inevitable bout of ignorance with people who get all righteous on you, like with the whole Y2K debate. Does it happen often?
RC: It's not often, but it does happen, and some of them lead to great stories on my web site, like the guy who absolutely insisted that it was still the 1900s. I mean, HELLO? And when I made fun of him, a few others came to his defense! I figure my readers are pretty much cream of the brain crop, yet now and then, they really do something stupid. But that's okay; not only do I turn the lights on for some of them, it assures me that I'll never, ever, run out of material.
BRUT: Two of my favorite lists had constant problems- HumourNet and especially its risque joke counterpart, BawdyNet. Now you know Vince Sabio and Shawn King of those respective mailers, yes? Is HumourNet even around anymore? There hasn't been one in my mailbox since December 19 of 1999, and no Web site seems to be there. I just tried to subscribe again, but Lyris told me I already was. And BawdyNet I had just about given up on until a couple random mailings trickled in recently. What's up with those guys?
RC: Yes, I know them. Vince quite well. What's "wrong" is that they aren't running commercial operations -- they put out their stuff for fun. The fools actually work for a living! As I mentioned, I dispensed with that inconvenience back in 1996, so you can count on your TRUE subscription!
BRUT: So let's go off the whole mailing list discussion now since I know from trading emails with you on many occasions that there is more to Randy Cassingham than his mailing lists, such as his passion for the Dvorak keyboard layout and his anti-spam fight. But you're mostly an online guy, so let's look at several major topics today. Sum it up, in all fairness, what do you think about the whole MP3 battle, with Napster getting their pants kicked and people downloading MP3s like mad?
RC: I have mixed feelings about it all. I think if bands don't want their music online, it shouldn't be there. They wrote it, they put their lives into it, they own it, they should be able to control it -- simple as that. But the record industry just doesn't Get It. What happened when TV was introduced? The movie industry said it would ruin the movie business. Did that happen? No: it got stronger because of TV. The record industry said the cassette tape would ruin the music business. Did that happen? No: it got stronger because of cassettes. The movie industry said the introduction of the VCR would ruin the movie business. It created record profits for them. DVDs, same thing. CDs, ditto. And on and on and on. Now we have MP3s, and the record companies are screaming the sky is falling. Give me a break.
In a year or two, they'll either be laughing all the way to the bank, or crying in their soup because the musicians used the Internet to cut them off completely and go straight to the audience. Either way, there's nothing they can do about it, so they might as well embrace it.
BRUT: The antitrust trial against Microsoft.
RC: Microsoft has acted like assholes, and turn out some remarkably crappy software (the PC is 20 years old and they still can't keep it from crashing daily? Hello?). But Bill Gates' vision is in large part responsible for the richest economy the world has ever seen, and the government wants to put a stop to it? Are they insane? (On the other hand, breaking up AT&T led to a major communications revolution, so who knows what will happen if we break up Microsoft!)
We all want our chance at The American Dream and become rich, but if some bastard succeeds too much, society feeds them to the wolves. Gates dropped out of college and became the richest man on the planet, all by his own luck, vision, and work. A prick, maybe, but he won, and a bunch of damned crybabies just can't take it. Tough shit, get back to work, and don't forget to ask the customers if they want to Super Size their Value Meal, because those 39 cents add up to millions by the end of the day, okay?
BRUT: Free speech on the Internet.
RC: That's not an issue, it's a reality that is leading to one of the biggest social changes in history. We ain't seen nothin' yet, but anyone who says they know what's going to happen is either lying or fooling themselves. They sure as hell aren't fooling those of us that are out here making it work.
BRUT: International regulation of the Internet: what is right, what is wrong, what is feasible, and what will likely never be regulated?
RC: Ever hear of the power of the press? Everyone now owns a printing press. Everyone now has an unbelievable amount of power, but few know what to do with it, or how it works. But they're beginning to learn. It doesn't take millions in venture capital; I financed my operations with pocket money, and people in 183 countries look every week at what I have to say. What non-net author, or publisher, can say that? I'll bet none.
BRUT: You're aware, I'm sure, of the recent ruling by the French Supreme Court against Yahoo! to keep Nazi memorabilia off their site. There are some sticky legal muck-ups with that situation -- how to control an internationally-accessible Web site, whether that site can feasibly control who sees what, etc. How could we possibly solve such issues fairly? Doesn't it seem that it should be the responsibility of local governments to control by law what their citizens are doing? I mean, if Nazi memorabilia is illegal in France and Germany, and people in those countries can look at it online, it seems that making it illegal to ship the stuff across their borders ought to cover it a lot more sensibly than hauling Yahoo! into court over it.
RC: There's no point in having laws allowing "free speech" if all the speech was something you wanted to hear. I mean, you don't need a law guaranteeing speech that everyone likes! I don't think disallowing discussion of uncomfortable matters is any way to stop people from thinking about them.
In fact, open debates are much better ways to shut these people up; their ideas don't hold up to cross-examination. What better way to show how stupid some ideas are than to shine a public light on them?
BRUT: Do you play any computer games? If so, what do you like? Either now or five years ago or on a TRS-80.
RC: I usually don't have time for them, but I have a guilty pleasure. Do you remember the 1970s Atari game, Battlezone? It's still around, but the graphics are incredible now, and you don't just go against robot tanks, you can connect to game servers and go head to head against other real people all over the world. It's a major kick-ass fun time, and I can get lost in it for hours -- much to the bewilderment of my girlfriend.
BRUT: I must admit that after years of playing video games, my favorite is still Donkey Kong; but I have a terrible weakness for first- person shooters. I don't play often anymore, as I'd get nothing done if I did; but when I do, it's in vicious doses. But the old arcade classics are still the best. Did you get into any other classic games that are being remade, like Frogger and Pac-Man? What do you think of all the remakes nowadays?
RC: The remakes I've seen usually miss the point of the original games. Pac-Man was already brilliant in its original incarnation. There's nothing to improve, save perhaps adding additional levels. It's why I like Battlezone; they put a story behind the game and beefed up the graphics (and, yeah, added the ability to play others over the 'net!), but the original concept is still visible.
BRUT: Back into mailing list gear: years of regular TRUE mailings, Premium subscribers making you the Rockefeller of the online world, five books of TRUE material selling strong... where do you see TRUE going from here?
RC: First, more of the same. As income grows, I'm hiring others to do the things that must be done, but don't add to the creation of the content (like entering the orders for books, and shipping them out). More and more TV producers have been sniffing around, but so far none have been able to really "get it" -- that is, understand that what makes TRUE powerful is that it makes people think and doesn't insult their intelligence. All they want to do is try to come up with the new Laverne and Shirley, and that kind of mentality led NBC to its lowest ratings ever last quarter. But someday, someone is going to catch on. And when they do realize the power, I'm ready: I have my own sitcom idea!
BRUT: You have a lot of speaking engagements and do a fair amount of traveling for such. Do you have an agent?
RC: No, I let the web take care of that. I have a page that shows upcoming gigs, and a couple of transcripts of past talks, so organizations can judge for themselves.
One interesting trend I've noticed is that I'm being brought in less for pure entertainment and more for staff training on how the heck the company can make better use of their presence online. That is, they're now understanding that just having a web site isn't enough to keep them ahead of their competition, and "now what?" I do seem to have a lot of ideas about that...!
BRUT: What's the most widely seen or heard interview or speaking engagement you've done? Anything really up there like the Today Show or Oprah or whatnot?
RC: It's probably a toss-up between the CNN Morning News and a gigantic personality profile by the Los Angeles Times that got syndicated to a bunch of other papers. I was shocked by how big and glowing that profile was, not to mention the 8x10 color portrait they ran with it! I was rather flattered.
BRUT: Any interest in that sort of circuit?
RC: I'm assuming you mean lecture circuit; yes and no. Yes, in that I like the variety, I like to travel, and I love the audience response. But no in that I hate the disruption to my schedule. I've found that even though my fees are slowly going up, the invitations aren't slowing down. I solved that by getting more selective in what I accept.
BRUT: Actually, I was referring to the talk show circuit.
RC: Sure: everyone in the biz likes the publicity, and I've done everything that's been offered to me, but I've never really sought out the spotlight. I've never even had a publicist. I'm just a guy pounding out news commentary -- that has managed to attract a huge audience all over the world. It's pretty much the New American Dream: by cutting out the middleman, I can reach my audience directly and make my living online. All in all, not bad.
BRUT: And the big question, of course: You wanna do Jerry Springer, don't you? "I Sent False News Wire Stories to My Internet Columnist" or something like that.
RC: I don't think Springer would want me, since I've savaged him in my column a few times (not like he's not used to that by now!) I'd of course love to do Letterman or Leno, because of their huge audiences, but they're so geared these days to people plugging movies that I don't think they're interested in talking anymore. They're more get on, give some sort of pre-rehearsed story about the kids to show the audience you are a normal human (hah!), show the clip, and split. BORING!
I like the old Carson shows, where a guest would be there for ten minutes (or more!) to talk about something of interest. Amazingly, the last time I watched Rosie O'Donnell (a few years ago), she was still doing that. So there, I said it: I'd like to be on the Rosie show. Montel Williams would be great too; he strikes me as a very thoughtful, and thought-provoking, man.
BRUT: What do you think of these trash TV shows, while we're on the subject? I bitch and complain about Springer all the time, but I can't help but watch. I keep digging in my brain to figure out if these people are really for real -- which would, frighteningly enough, give it the same feel as TRUE as far as "truth is stranger than fiction," or if they're just paid to act it out, which would make it kinda like professional (urk!) wrestling.
RC: I don't watch Springer, in part because I am sure that so many of the people on are actors. I don't have much interest in invented arguments; I'd much rather listen to intelligent people talk about interesting things. Politically Incorrect would be a hoot, for instance.
BRUT: Tell us about TRUE's sister list, HeroicStories.
RC: Where TRUE illuminates the human condition by pointing out the stupidity of others, HS gives a glimmer of hope by pointing out that really, most of the inhabitants of the planet are really very cool, good people. I get mail all the time, from men and women alike, openly admitting that some of the stories make them cry because they are so wowed by what real people are doing out there.
It's really a cool balance -- the Ancient Greeks knew full well the incredible power of combining laughter and tears, and that lesson is not lost on me.
BRUT: Where do you see Randy Cassingham going from here?
RC: What more could I want? But we'll see what comes up.
BRUT: You know, there's a running joke with Dom Salemi, my editor, whenever he conducts an interview with girly rock bands, he tells them that the least they could do is provide him with some used panties. A lot of them do, believe it or not. So if you could be equated to a girly rock band -- for analogy's sake, not to insult you in any way -- what would we claim you should provide us with? Used newspaper? What would be a good analogy? You know, as in "Girl rock bands are to used panties as Randy Cassingham is to _________."
RC: It has to be intangible: a glimmer of hope. I can't compete with sweaty panties, but I can help make you think. Thinking can lead you anywhere: get out your chemistry set, and maybe you can come up with eau de panty and make billions.
©2001 David M. Fitzpatrick, portions ©2001 Randy Cassingham, reprinted
with permission.
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