Cracked Up

Facing racketeering charges, a reputed New England mafia operative was granted a court order to force the government to state whether or not it inserted a radio tracking device in his rear end. “We can confirm that the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration did not implant a tracking device in defendant Vincent M. Gigi Portalla’ Marino’s buttocks,” said a prepared statement by U.S. Attorney Donald Stern. Apparently amused by the order, the statement, issued in response to the order Marino requested from U.S. District Judge Nathaniel Gorton, added, “we cannot speak, however, for any extraterrestrial beings.” (AP) ...The tabloid version’s headline: “Feds Admit Planting Bugs in Space Aliens”.