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Since 1994, this is the 1049th issue of Randy Cassingham’s...
Extra Talented: Police in Minot, N.D., say that Robert Alan Pullar, 30, was driving in town when he managed to fall out of his car and run himself over. Amazingly, he was able to get up, chase down his car, get back in, and continue driving. Police tracked him down and got him medical care — and then arrested him for DUI, driving with a suspended licence, and refusal to submit to a chemical test. (RC/KXMC Minot) ...But not hit and run?
Party Crasher: Alicia Bishop and Glenn Merrill were preparing a birthday party for Merrill’s son when an unexpected guest dropped in at their Juneau, Alaska, home. “I heard this cracking,” Merrill said. “And the next thing you know, there’s this bear that, I mean, literally, fell right from [the skylight]. It was like three feet away from me.” Merrill reacted quickly, getting his son out of the room. The bear, after recovering from its fall, wentfor the party food. “The bear walks over and puts its paws up on the table and starts licking his birthday cupcakes, and I’m just like, you’ve got to be kidding me,” said Bishop. The bear then wandered outside, but looked back in through the living room window. “It was up by the window like, ‘I want more cupcakes’,” Bishop said. Merrill eventually got some bear spray and chased the bear off. Later, what was believed to be the same bear visitedanother house. Unfortunately, it had to be destroyed because it had become so accustomed to humans and was visiting multiple residences. (MS/Juneau Empire) ...Which is of course how the real story of Yogi would have ended.
Sexualized: “My son is not a sexualized minor,” says Erica Martinez. He signed a document that says he committed “sexual misconduct,” but she says he signed because administrators at Ashton Ranch Elementary School in Surprise, Ariz., told him to. He did pull down his pants, but she says he did that because another student told him to — and threatened to do it for him if he didn’t. He’s 5 years old. The Dysart Unified School District defendsthe “sexual misconduct” label, which has been placed in the boy’s permanent file. “Our school district uses consistent language for disciplinary infractions in order to provide clarity and track discipline data accurately,” said Assistant Superintendent Jim Dean. Martinez can add a rebuttal to the file, but the label will follow her son until he leaves the Dysart schools. (AC/KTVK Phoenix) ...Which perhaps he should do very soon.
Rule No. 1: All Guns are Loaded: Police in Edinburgh, Scotland, are being criticized after confiscating a home-made firearm, and turning it over to a “ballistics expert” at the Scottish Police Authority. The problem, says the Police Investigations & Review Commissioner, who is brought in to investigate after any accidental firearm discharge, is officers didn’t tell the expert how the gun worked, and he set it off by handling it. No one was injured. The PIRC saidthe firearm should not have been confiscated “without advice” so that it could be safely handled. (RC/STV Scotland) ...Advice from whom — the SPA’s “ballistics expert”?
Why? Was it In Her Mouth?
Police: Man Shoots Girlfriend in Foot; Charged with Intent to Kill
WYFF Greenville, S.C., headline
Did You Find an Error? Check the Errata Page for updates.
This Week’s Contributors: MS-Mike Straw, AC-Alexander Cohen, RC-Randy Cassingham.
Tom in Nevada asks, “Given the amount of grief you give the well deserved Floridians, is there an disproportionate number of subscribers from Florida or maybe a disproportionately low number that might be turned off from the constant, once again well deserved, coverage of their exploits? Just curious.”
Well first, I don’t give Floridians (or Floridiots) grief; they bring it on themselves. As for your question, though, California has about 2x the population of Florida; California has about 3.5x the Premium subscribers of Florida. So I guess I would have to say the former, if either one must be chosen. Still, some subscribers in Florida complain if I don’t have a Florida story in an issue, so clearly at least some Floridians have a sense of humor! Bottom line, though, I skip alot of Florida stories because some of them are, well, repetitive. I could probably do an All-Florida issue about once a month, if I really wanted to. Florida is, by far, the weirdest state — much more so than California, which a lot of people assume is weirdest.
To get more stories — from Florida, California, and everywhere else — try the expanded Premium edition. This week there were eight more stories, including: Oklahoma man tries to cash in an obviously forged lottery ticket ...at the Lottery Commission office. New York pilot makes an emergency landing on a highway ...for the second time in 8 days. Police arrest an Ohio father after his kid ditches church. After New York cop is decorated by department, he gets drunk tocelebrate ...and then it gets weird. Florida cop arrested for being drunk in uniform. British burglar can’t quite understand what’s going on when someone steals the goodies he stole. Drone delivering drugs to Irish prison crashes in prison yard (and then it gets weird). Legislature accidentally makes “The World’s Oldest Victimless Crime” legal — and doesn’t notice for 23 years (and then they don’t fix their mistake for 6 more years). Of courseyou can still read these stories! Just ask for your upgrade to start with the 20 July issue. There are many convenient ways to upgrade:
It’s Always Something Around Here! Last Tuesday night, we were awakened at 4:00 a.m. by screaming. Took us a little bit to wake up to figure out what was going on, but we realized it was a baby bear that was screaming. Not a good sign: they usually scream because they got separated from momma. Kit popped down to the garage to check the cats (they sleep there, since it’s a safer place than outside!), and “heard them movingaround” so she came back to bed.
It wasn’t the cats moving. It was the momma.
A bear inside could have done a lot of damage, but Kit coming through the door seems to have scared it off. That’s pretty lucky: momma bears can be pretty aggressive. It had gotten in by pulling open a crank window that was left open a couple of inches for air, then tearing down the heavy wire fencing that’s over the window to keep the cats in, and critters out. That’s nothing to a bear, of course, and it came right in. She got into some of our food stocks, and ateall the cat food, while the felines probably cowered in their many hiding places they’ve found over the years.
It came back later that same day, and then the next night, but we managed to keep it out — the windows were locked (not that it couldn’t break through that, too!), and we had hosed down the area with ammonia, which their sensitive noses hate. Since then, it’s been quiet.
Until Sunday. That’s when the lightning-sparked fire threatened our house — it was much too close for comfort. Since that story “needs” several photos to tell it fully, this continues on my blog. And if you saw the photos on Facebook already, you’ll still want to click through, since there are extras not included there: not just more details, but also an aerial photo and videofrom my new drone!
The Latest Posting to Jumbo Joke:
Ten Years Ago in True: Maybe this wasn’t the best way to call the bank’s error to their attention: Fixed Interest.
This Week’s Honorary Unsubscribe goes to Joep Lange. A doctor, Lange specialized in virology — the study of viruses, and in the early 1980s he went to work on a new virus that wasn’t even named yet....
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