The Argument Every Man Has Been Looking For
Sometimes I think of a funnier tagline after I publish an issue. Sometimes I think of a funnier tagline before I publish it, but I don't use it -- usually because it's just too nasty. This is one of those cases, so if you don't like crude, you've been warned. Otherwise, on with the story, from the 21 July 2002 column:
Weekly Weird News
Researchers at the State University of New York have found that women who are exposed to semen absorb hormones from the fluid which help ease depression and make them feel good. Condoms block that exposure, says study lead Gordon Gallup, but "Clearly an unwanted pregnancy or a sexually transmitted disease would more than offset any advantageous psychological effects." The study says that semen provides the mood-enhancing effect "regardless of how [women] are exposed to it." (Reuters) ...Coming soon from the Coca-Cola company....
I wrote the "Coca-Cola" tagline first, but wasn't sure it was quite right. I started brainstorming with my wife -- what other drink would be better? The catch: everyone had to know instantly it was a drink. The alternative tag that popped out of my mouth that really made us both roll on the floor laughing was: "...Coming soon from the makers of Squirt...." (Don't I just have the coolest wife?!) The problem: even though that's funnier, it certainly wouldn't pass muster with newspaper editors that run the column as a feature in their pages. But worse, most people wouldn't instantly grasp that Squirt is a soft drink (it's a grapefruit soda brand owned by the Dr Pepper company).
But that's the lovely thing about the 'net! I can create a page about the story that everyone can point others to. :-)
The best letters so far on the story: