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Losing my Tolerance for "Zero Tolerance"
 If you attend school in the Los Angeles Unified School District, don't carry a toy key fob like this one in your pocket. A 7-year-old boy was suspended in school for carrying one of these because it violates the district's "zero tolerance" policy on "weapon possession". |
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Home Schooling Looks Better Every Day
Sometimes I write taglines with the intention of provoking readers a bit, but usually they don't rise to the bait. Other times, I'm astounded at what triggers complaints. A good example of the latter is this story from the 15 February 2004 issue:
Sic
Police in New York have tied together a string of bank robberies, saying they were all likely committed by the same man. Their evidence? The robber's demand notes are rife with misspellings. They announce a "robery" or "robrey", call the cash drawer a "draw", and caution tellers not to slip a "die pack" in with the money. One teller laughed at the robber's spelling ability; in that case, he walked out empty-handed. But police caution that the "Spelling Bee Dropout" bandit may not be dumb. "It's possible that he's pretty smart," says Suffolk Police Detective Vincent O'Leary. "I'd have to think he's attempting to disguise himself." (New York Newsday) ...More likely he's the typical product of a public education.
Binge Drinking in College: No, Not Funny
I periodically remind people: the stories in This is True are not always meant to be funny. Even the funny ones are often chosen to drive home a point, but sometimes being funny isn't the way to do that. A good example is this two-story line-up from True's 3 October 2004 issue:
No Kidding
A study by the Berkeley, Calif., based Prevention Research Center of the Pacific Institute for Research and Evaluation finds that binge drinking among male college students is much worse than school officials, government researchers, and especially parents ever feared. Ten percent of the male students studied admitted to drinking 12 or more alcoholic beverages in a row, and "many" admitted to 24 or more in a row. "These are levels of drinking at which most men will have passed out or become comatose," says study leader Paul Gruenewald. The study did not consider drinking by female students. (Reuters) ...Right -- girls are too smart for that. No need to study them.
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We Don't Need No Education
This is True often deals with education. That's due to several factors, including: 1) We all spend so many of our formative years in school, 2) Kids have a knack for doing really dumb things sometimes, and 3) School administrators and teachers always want to outdo the kids, and thus pull even dumber stunts. There's more, of course, and it's far from all Zero Tolerance stuff.
As I collect stories to write about in True, I often notice certain patterns. There might be a sudden surge in "Bank robber drops his wallet during the crime, and leaves it behind" stories, and it's a lot of fun to run several variations together. In January 2005, I noticed I had a big pile of Stupid Public School stories coming up. To get a head start on the angry letters, I ...well... I... I... OK, I admit it! I baited my readers! I figured that of the hundreds of teachers out there, some percentage had to be self-important "blame it on everyone but me" idiots who would write to complain about what I said.
But the interesting thing was, only one fell for it! First, my editorial, which was in the 23 January 2005 issue. I used a reader letter to give me just the springboard I needed:
Today's mail brings this from Brian from Colorado:
Yes. Remember that variety and differences is what makes life interesting. If we were all the same, imagine how boring life would be. This is what makes some "professional" educators ...well... idiots: they seek to treat all students the same, no matter what. By forcing all kids into one mold, their strengths are ignored. They think the kids "need" self-esteem, so they prop them up with bogus reassurances that cause more problems later, when they find out that not everyone has the same abilities -- that others do better than they do at some things. Once they realize their self-esteem is based on lies, it comes crashing down to much lower levels that it ever was before. They think all the praise they got was a lie, including their actual strengths, which were ignored or downplayed because teachers didn't want another kid without that particular ability to "feel bad". It's a rare kid that doesn't have one or more true strengths that he could feel good about, but that's no longer allowed: wait'll you see the story in next week's issue about why one school canceled their spelling bee.... So we should embrace differences, not smother them. It's what makes life worth living. So yes: some people are idiots some of the time, others all of the time. I've done stupid things in my life, and no doubt you have too. Luckily, we have the ability to learn from the mistakes of others so you don't have to make them all yourself. To wrap back to the beginning, if the stories in True make you think and make you a better and more interesting person, fantastic! Anything else would simply be idiotic. (Several of the more interesting "extended discussions" Brian referred to are here.) |
Higher Education (aka, Ya'll Grow Up Now, Hear?)
I became aware of the Beaver problem when researching the 18 June 2000 issue. People really enjoyed the resulting story. Pay particular attention to the second half:
Beaver News
Sam Pshyshlak says a crazed beaver attacked her dogs -- two 200-lb. Newfoundlands. "It pinned them. I never thought beavers were capable of that," said the Manitoba, Canada, farmer. "I've lost all respect for beavers. I never would have imagined this from a beaver." Meanwhile, Beaver College of Glenside, Penn., has decided to change its name. Beaver president Bette E. Landman says the name "too often elicits ridicule in the form of derogatory remarks pertaining to the rodent, the TV show Leave It to Beaver and the vulgar reference to the female anatomy." A committee has been formed to recommend a new name. "Beaver College doesn't really represent who we are anymore," said spokesman Bill Avington. (Reuters) ...Which is precisely the problem the frat boys have been complaining about.
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