Australia's Advertising Standards Bureau has announced the most-complained-about ad in the country last year was for the Kotex "U" line of feminine protection products. The ad features a woman and her beaver -- a furry, bucktoothed dam-building rodent, that is -- trading on the common nickname women use for their body part "down there" (as the ad puts it). The TV spot shows a woman taking her beaver to the beach, the beauty salon, lunch at a nice restaurant, and other places, and advises women, "You only have one of them, so look after it." Despite the complaints, the ad didn't breach the ASB's code of ethics, and was allowed to continue. (Sydney Telegraph) ...Just wait until this year's ad debuts, featuring kitties.

Grounded

Herman Sakaria, the director of a security company, was on his way home when he saw two young men obscuring the license plate on their car in Rodney, New Zealand. The duo then put plastic bag masks over their faces and socks over their hands, and went into a store. Sakaria parked his car to block their getaway. When the store owner chased the would-be robbers away without any loot, Sakaria was there to intercept. "I grabbed them," Sakaria said, "disarmed them and took them to the ground, restraining them until police arrived" -- by sitting on them. As a passerby took a photo of the scene, one of the 16-year-old boys caught sight of an onlooker and said, "Oh s--t, there's my mum!" (Rodney Times) ...In an ideal world, delinquents would indeed be more afraid of their parents than the police.

Keystone Criminals

Regan Reti, 20, and Tiranara White, 21, had each finished court appearances in Hastings, New Zealand, when officers led them out to return them to jail -- handcuffed to each other. That's when "they made a bolt for freedom," said Hastings police Senior Sgt. Dave Greig. "They fell over and they were sprayed with pepper spray. But they got up and ran out of the court onto the street, across the road to a car park." The dullard duo were outpacing the officers, but "that's where they met the pole," Greig said -- a lamp post. Reti went to one side and White to the other, and "it was all over, rover." Once back in custody, each blamed the other for going to the wrong side. Both were charged with attempting to escape custody. (Wellington Dominion Post, AP) ...They were doomed from the start: bad guys are always on the wrong side.

And PMS Boosts It to a Felony

A deputy patrolling a hotel parking lot in Fort Pierce, Fla., stopped a car with two teens in it -- the hotel had complained about kids cruising through to do drugs. Sure enough, the deputy smelled pot smoke billowing out of the car he stopped. Driver Elisha L. Yanulaque, 18, said she had been addicted to ecstasy and other drugs, but now only smokes marijuana. She even admitted to snorting cocaine with a "straw", which the deputy found in her car. The tube was not the sort of thing someone would use to drink soda: it was a tampon applicator. In addition to charging Yanulaque with drug possession, the deputy added a charge of possession of narcotics equipment. (Fort Pierce Tribune) ...Politically savvy women knew it would come to this: "Use a tampon, go to jail."

Hide in Plain Sight

A customer at a pizza joint in Palm Coast, Fla., complained about how his calzone was prepared. Rather than fix it, Richard Phinney says, the restaurant owner pistol-whipped him. When police arrived, owner Joseph Milano, 40, claimed Phinney attacked him, and noted that unfortunately, his security cameras had already been turned off for the night. When officers checked the cameras, they discovered the attack had been recorded, and it showed Milano had attacked Phinney. When confronted with that evidence, police say, Milano admitted the attack and was arrested for assault. And then it gets interesting: a newspaper reporter checked Milano out and discovered that he is actually Joey Calco, a mafia hit man for the Bonanno crime family who is in the federal Witness Protection Program after helping the feds bust his boss. The name of his restaurant: Goomba's. (Daytona Beach News-Journal, New York Daily News) ...The name of his next restaurant: Moron's.

The commercial for The Red House, a furniture store in High Point, N.C., may look like it was filmed in the 1960s, but that's part of its design, says Link Neal, who helped write and produce the 90-second spot. Each shot was purposely done "in an awkward way," Neal said. In one shot an employee jumps on a sofa he describes as "perfect for a black person ...or a white person." Another jumps on a bed and proclaims, "This mattress is perfect for a white person ...or a black person." And a pair of singers dressed in 70s garb proclaim The Red House is "where black people and white people buy furniture!" -- to which an employee adds, "And Hispanic people too" and another who says "And all people." (Greensboro News-Record) ...Not good enough: Asians are suing.

Bad Habits

Seventeen men dressed as nuns were arrested on the Greek island of Crete. "They were dressed like nuns, carrying crosses, but wearing thongs under their skirts and showing people their bottoms and the rest," a police officer testified at the resulting trial. Because they were taken immediately to court in Iraklio, the 17 men, all from Britain, appeared wearing their nun's habits, on charges of indecent exposure and offending religious symbols. But when no witnesses showed up to testify that they were offended by the sight, the court ruled all 17 men innocent and released them. (Reuters) ...Go, and sin no more.